I met Nancy in 1996 while we were both eager young students at SUNY Binghamton. As luck would have it, we were both cast in the University’s main stage production of Much Ado About Nothing. Early in the rehearsal process, Nancy had one of her friends approach me and ask if I was gay. She apparently thought I was cute and wanted to make sure I was fair game. I didn’t think Nancy was cute – I thought she was adorable!
For those of you who never had the honor of meeting Nancy, she had shiny red hair, an enormous smile that forced her eyes shut, and an even bigger heart. She was the sweetest thing on God’s green Earth. When placed side by side, both in a standing position, Nancy’s red head would normally occupy the space around my chest. You see, Nancy was never very tall. But I never understood how such a small container could hold so much life!
Nancy was a dreamer. She was an actor, a comedian, and poet. She was a wise-cracking, energetic, level-headed, shy, mask-making, world traveling adventurer. Nancy was a friend and an inspiration.
Lindsey, Jovan, Dan, me, and Nancy – 1997 Binghamton
Nancy was an amazing source of positive energy and had so much to give. Whether we were bumming around on a Sunday afternoon listening to Beck (a personal favorite of hers and, quite frankly, an unhealthy obsession) or off on an arctic, cramped, and rainy camping trip to the forestial wastelands of upstate New York, spending time with Nancy simply made me happy.
Nancy lived in Manhattan. And London. And Binghamton, Scotland, Queens, San Francisco, Bali, and yes folks, even New Jersey. I learned so much from Nancy. She guided me as I prepared a play to bring to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival – she had already been there, already done that. She gave me advice as to which play to direct next here in Barcelona – she was working as a professional actress in New York and knew her stuff! The one time Jan met Nancy – back in 2000, around the time Jan and I first went to Italy – Nancy told us all about Peggy Guggenheim, her canal-front house and massive art collection in Venice, and all of Peggy’s sordid love affairs. Jan was inspired by Nancy’s words and passion and was subsequently obsessed with Peggy Guggenheim’s life. Nancy changed people’s lives. She definitely changed mine.
Kathleen, Jeanne, Nancy, Thea – 2000 New York
Nancy used to tell me that I had a knack for always calling her just when she needed to hear a friend’s voice most. The last time I called her, she was spending quality time with her father and couldn’t speak. Two weeks later, on the day after Christmas, Nancy passed away in her sleep.
This entry has taken me more than a month to write. Not because I found it so difficult to word things perfectly, but because I found it so difficult to approach. I would sit down and tell myself, “I’m going to just write from the heart and see what comes out.” But nothing would come out. I think that if I actually wrote anything in the past tense about Nancy, I would be accepting what had happened and I would lose her. In the meantime, I haven’t written anything else out of respect for Nancy. How could she be placed on the back burner? I have now had enough of a chance to think about Nancy, remember her, celebrate her life, and talk to other friends about her, that I am ready to move on. I loved Nancy with all my heart and always will. My life will be emptier without her.
If you would like to read another online tribute to Nancy with other memories, facts, and emotions, her friend Low Like War [broken link] has written a beautiful remembrance. Thank you.
Just as Nancy touched many lives, your words touch many in her memory. Thank you for such a wonderful tribute.
Thank you so much for such a beautiful, true, kind tribute to such a remarkable young woman. Nancy’s mom and I are cousins, our mothers were sisters. I would have loved to have Nancy as a sister, daughter, granddaughter. You said it all. Thanks, you must be quite a wonderful guy. mbk
via your website, could I pass on our own love and hugs to Nancy’s mum and family – Marcy, I agree that the words Joshua writes are warm and loving and intelligent. Helen was the other lovely person lost to us on Boxing Day: her birthday (25th) should have been on the day that Marcy posted her thanks. Helen too had a smile that stretched her face, and the warmth within the smile that we can see in the photos of the lovely girl that is/was Nancy. Butterflies keep appearing totally unseasonably here in connection to Helen. She is still there for us, her energy transformed in a million different ways. Nancy will be the same …such energy, warmth and love from these two young women does not just vanish. We are doing our best to focus some of her energy into a charity based here in England founded in Helen’s name: The Helen Foundation, to encourage and reward young people’s talents and endeavours in the arts. Our first 6 free workshops in different schools and colleges are on Saturday 25th March. Wish us – and Helen – luck and love with this. Those in the USA who maybe knew Helen and wish to help financially, there is a US bank a/c set up … and a website:www.thehelenfoundation.org.uk which is under construction. Joshua, fare forward with positivity and hope: Nancy and Helen would have both wanted that for you.
Nancy was a great friend to me, from our teen years on our high schools’ respective speech and debate teams, to our years together at Binghamton, and most especially the summer after my graduation in 1996. Nancy was always supportive, kind, honest… she listened to me when I spoke. She introduced me to the great friends I lived with my senior year of college. She took me to my first Ani Difranco concert.
We had lost touch in the years after that, so I heard from a friend of a friend of her passing. I was so happy to be able to make it to her beautiful memorial celebration in January to celebrate her life with all the people she touched.
I’ve been thinking about Nancy a lot lately. About to complete my dissertation and move on to the next phase in my life, today I stared at the blank dedication page and finally wrote: To Nancy Brook Jacobs Lafrenz, 1974-2005, For reminding me what matters.
Thank you, Josh, for your beautiful words.
Joanie Mazelis
Joshua:
Thank you so much for your thoughtful tribute to Nancy.
Leslee and I cannot tell you how much learning about her from her friends means to us. I know I have met some of you but there are many people out there who knew Nancy.
I am sorry we did not get a chance to meet you.
Our best regards.
Fondly
Mike
Hello Mike,
Thank you so much for Nancy
I am sorry you and I did not get a chance to meet, as well. Nancy was a very important part of my life and I love her very much. She always reminded me of my Aunt Amy. Amy is my mother’s sister but, unlike any other member of her family, Amy dedicated her life to the arts. She was a creative, ballsy, intelligent woman in a not-too-tall package. She was an inspiration for me and, thanks to her, I became interested in theater, joined the theater department at Binghamton, and met Nancy. I only have good memories of Nancy and our time together.
Thank you for your kind note and happy birthday, Nancy.
Warm regards,
Joshua