Joshua Zamrycki’s Weblog

We are very happy with the name “Emily”. We thought, however, that we would be using nicknames like Em, Emi, or Mili. We have not. They just don’t seem appropriate. But other naming alternatives have since appeared. The following are all names that are regularly used when referring to our little bundle of joy:

• Emily
• Little Girl
• Emily Monster
• Piggy Monster
• Milky Chops
• Gummy Bear
• Poopy Pants
• Goofball
• Drools Nash (or Droolie Nash)
• Squiggly Squirmely Wiggly Wormely
• Maggot
• Grizzly Adams
• Rapscallion
• Winston

Riding high

This is weird, but interesting!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Thanks, dad

For some reason, everytime someone walks past my desk today and says, “Hi, Josh”, I find myself responding with, “Howdy”. This is particularly odd when you consider the fact that, even though we usually speak in English, most of the people I work with are Spanish. Odd.

I needed a new pair of jeans so Jan accompanied me downtown to check out “the sales”. There were a bunch of jeans that looked great on the rack but, upon closer inspection, turned out to be button fly. I estimate that 80-85% of the jeans on sale were button fly. I hate button fly! I cannot stress this enough.

Jan insisted that the button fly was “retro” and therefore in fashion, but I’m not buying it. What is the point of a button fly? Can anyone tell me? A zipper can be opened in half the time and a button fly takes approximately seven times longer to do up – plus is hurts my fingers. It can’t possibly be a fashion statement because no one can even see it under that denim flap. And if anyone is close enough to actually tell what type of jeans-fastening-mechanism you are utilizing, I imagine that the 50% decrease in opening time of the zipper would be much appreciated.

I went from rack to rack looking for the few pairs of jeans that had zippers and they were all lame. So I bit the bullet and bought a pair of otherwise perfect jeans. The first time I wore them I was frustrated and angry after going to the bathroom only two times. The next time I wore them, I decided to sneakily leave one of the buttons undone in an attempt to optimize the restroom visiting experience – nobody can tell, anyway. I was happy with the results but it still wasn’t enough. I’m typing this entry right now with two of the buttons undone, but I’m also at home. I don’t think I would be this brave in public. And I can’t just stick them in a drawer and forget about them because they’re so comfortable to wear and they look so good. And I can’t just buy another pair of jeans because the world has apparently gone mad. Why can’t I find a decent pair of jeans with a zipper? What’s the deal with the damn button fly?!

Too many members of my family have yet to meet the newest member of the clan and so, with the intention of killing as many birds as possible with one trans-Atlantic stone, we’re going to the United States of America! Florida, to be exact. And what better time to go than the 15th day of the month of Nisan? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: Passover!

I’m looking forward to my dad, sister, aunt, nana, and the rest of those crazy family-types to finally meet Emily. She’s so big now that I think Emily will actually enjoy it, too. I’m also looking forward to Jan participating in her first-ever Passover Seder. We’re gonna be singing Dahyenu like it’s 1999! This really is my favorite holiday.

So here’s the plan: we arrive at Miami International Airport at 14:20 on Wednesday, March 28. We’ll spend some days with my mom, then my nana, and then my dad. And then we fly out of Miami again at 16:50 on Tuesday, April 10. That’s nearly two weeks of Sunshine State shenanigans. Who wants to pick us up at the airport?

I don’t think I’ve been to the US for over two years. It’ll be nice to have the family around so we can pawn Emily off on them while we sip piña coladas by the pool. Oh man, Emily should be swimming by then! Not having any family here in Spain is probably the toughest part of raising a kid. No automatic support system and no free babysitters.

Speaking of free babysitters.. Marli is coming to visit again in a few weeks! I guess we didn’t scare her off after her first visit. Then, just a few weeks after that, Jan’s parents are coming to stay with us for a while. And then, as soon as they go back to England, we hop on our flight for America. If Emily starts eating solid food in the next month (as she promised she would), we could have quite a few babysitters on our hands here. Life is good.

I just looked at my daughter and asked her, “Hey, Emily. Which would you prefer: a little brother or a little sister?” In response, Emily looked me in the eyes and, without even a trace of a smile, made that noise you make when something is so gross that you pretend to vomit.

Edit: This was a purely hypothetical question. Jan is not pregnant (to the best of my knowledge).

Seven days without eating a single thing and I’m feeling fine. The past few days have been pretty easy, actually. I’m now totally used to just taking a swig of lemonade every time I get a hungry. I’ve got plenty of energy and don’t feel very different than when I was eating. One could say that all is well.

Well, almost all is well. Besides a slight tingle in my fingertips that started yesterday (I’m sure that can’t be good), the only other physical side effect that I’ve noticed is that my teeth were very sensitive when I brushed them on the night of Day 5. It was pretty much the same on Day 6 and then a little worse on Day 7. By pure coincidence, I went to the orthodontist yesterday (Day 7) to get get a consultation regarding the Invisalign process that my sister is just finishing up now and highly recommended. The orthodontist commented how my gums were receding a bit and handed me a mirror to check them out for myself. Sure enough, they were receding – a condition that I’m sure was mot present before I started the Master Cleanse. As soon as I got home I quickly searched the internet to see if others on the Cleanse had the same problem. Sure enough, there were. I was mad at myself for not doing enough research before starting the Cleanse, but that soon passed – I had done a lot of research, but you can never find everyone’s problem’s. I hadn’t read anything about persistent anal bleeding before I started either, yet there it is on the internet. Dodged that bullet.

Since I’m doing this detox for purely investigative purposes and not because of some nagging health problem, I’ve decided to cut the Cleanse short to spare my poor gums. 7 days was my initial goal but then I bumped it up to 10. Now I’m back to 7. Most of the people who had complained about receding gums said that everything returned to normal after stopping the Cleanse, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. You can never be too careful when it comes to oral hygiene.

So it is now officially the beginning of Day 8 and all I’m supposed to ingest today (coming down from the Cleanse is a very important process) is freshly squeezed orange juice, and then tomorrow I can have some vegetable soup. Monday will allow me to have some raw fruit and vegetables and then I can go back to eating “normally” on Tuesday. My plan is to orange juice it all day today (yes, I just used “orange juice” as a verb) and then advance the veggie soup to tonight so I can start with the solids tomorrow (I’ve always been advanced).

All in all, this has been a very good experience and I would recommend it to most people. As always, do your research beforehand and if any questions of concerns arise, immediately do some investigation. I look forward to seeing how my body will react to the reintroduction of food after not eating for an entire week. Most people say that they have a heightened awareness of what they’re putting into their bodies after doing the Cleanse. I wonder how long that will last.

Still going strong.

Day 2 turned out to be easier than Day 1. I just coasted through Sunday, no problems.

Day 3 was interesting (as I had predicted) because it was my first day at work without eating. The cafeteria smelled really good, too. I played volleyball for a couple of hours. I’m not sure if that was a good idea or not, but I felt fine. Oh, and the salt water flush in the morning was not the best idea before my one hour commute to work. I tried to give it an hour before I left the house, but I guess that was 20 minutes too short. But fear not, both my pants and I survived the train ride intact. Barely.

Day 4 has been the hardest yet. Maybe because I’ve let down my guard. I was on my toes for the first few days, ready to fight off any hunger pangs that may arise. But they weren’t that bad. Even after not eating a single thing for four whole days! I’m now convinced that there won’t be any physical challenge here and that surviving this detox (like any other healthy diet) will be a purely psychological battle. I’ve never been on a diet before so I don’t have any first-hand experience with the difficulties that people say cause them to quit or give in to temptation, but I think that it all comes down to will power. Not physical strength or weakness or a “need” to eat things that are off limits. It’s all in your head. I now believe that I won’t have any trouble completing the 10 day program. The only thing that may get in my way is pure boredom. Drinking the same bittersweet concoction every few hours of every single day and walking around with my mouth constantly tingling from all the cayenne pepper can get pretty boring after a while. My friends Basia (who has also done the Master Cleanse) sent me an email today with a few pointers to make life more interesting:

1. Drink the lemonade ice cold
2. Warm it up
3. Make ice lollies out of it

And those are basically my only options for the next six days. It’s getting to the point where I really look forward to the laxative tea at night just to break up the monotony. And speaking of the laxative tea… no, I’d better save the gory details for another blog entry. Maybe I’ll included photos

We had just arrived back from our New Year’s ski holiday in the French Alps and Jan wasn’t feeling too hot. A little bird told her that something downtown was amiss, but since that very same bird had convinced Jan to buy one of those expensive birth control tests just two weeks earlier and it came out negative, I wasn’t all that keen on shelling out for another one. We had a long and heated conversation as to what the next step should be and, in the end, Jan won and got another one. Eight months later we got Emily.

I’ve got good news!

I’m not eating.

I’ve decided to try The Master Cleanse (created by Stanley Burroughs in 1941) in an attempt to cleanse my body of all the nasty toxins that currently reside in my innards with the hopes of invigorating my system and leading a healthier life. I was inspired by Jan (who did a week fast in Thailand last year), Ed (who has done The Cleanse two or three times already), and various stories I’ve read on the internet. Here is the gist of the program:

The Master Cleanse is a liquid mono-diet that cleanses and detoxifies the body as it stimulates healthy tissue growth. It consists of fresh lime or lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper mixed with water and drunk 6-12 times a day. A herbal laxative tea is taken at night followed by a salt water flush in the morning, and no other food is consumed.

This regimen that can be followed for 10 days, and may also be safely extended to 40 or more days, depending upon a persons physical condition.

You can read The Master Cleanse here [PDF]

So there you go. I’ve bought all the ingredients from the local health food store and have already made enough of the “lemonade” for three or four days. I was surprised at how expensive the maple syrup was. This is genuine organic grade B maple syrup. I’m not talking about Aunt Jamima or Log Cabin here. A one liter bottle cost me about 35 euros! That should probably last me four days. I also need about 20 lemons for those four days. It took me a while to convert all of the measurements to the metric system and then calculate proportions to fill up large bottles. Once I start to run out, I’ll head to the store and pick up more to last me the projected 10 days.

Before I started the program yesterday, I prepared myself by only eating raw fruit and vegetables for the two days prior. That was rough. The maple syrup is supposed to have all the vitamins and nutrients that the body needs, but carrots and bananas are probably lacking in something. At least that’s what my body was telling me after two whole days.

First impressions? The lemonade tastes… interesting. It smells like really sweet iced tea but that’s only because you can’t smell the cayenne pepper. I don’t think I worked out the proportions quite right because my first bottle of lemonade was HOT! I got used to it after a while but I’m gonna make sure the next bottle is a little more palatable. I was also concerned about losing too much weight. Basically, I don’t want to lose any. The book says that all I have to do is add extra syrup to the lemonade and I shouldn’t lose weight. I’m not sure if I believe them. After 10 days of not eating, I’m bound to lose at least a couple kilos. We’ll see. If I do lose any weight, I’m sure I’ll be able to put it back on once I start eating again.

So how am I feeling now? After one whole day of only drinking the lemonade I was hungry. Or at least I thought I was. I couldn’t stop thinking about all sorts of delicious foods. I guess Jan ordering Chinese take-out for dinner didn’t help. But I survived. The first two days are famously the most difficult and I’m looking forward to day three. That’ll be Monday. It’ll probably be a little weird since I’ll be at work all day. At least I’ll make some extra money out of this since I won’t have to take any time off for a lunch break!