Joshua Zamrycki's Weblog

Did you know that children develop and mature at more than seven times their normal rate when on holiday visiting family in small villages in England? It’s true.

We returned home this weekend from a lovely week with Jan’s parents in the bustling metropolis that is Outwell (near Upwell). Yes, it’s a village so small that they actually use the name of another equally tiny village to help people better understand where it is. I had a very nice time doing the things we always do at Jan’s parents’ house: sleeping, eating, watching TV, entertaining the kids, and desperately trying to find a nearby village with Internet access in a feeble attempt to connect to work so that everyone believes I’m just working from home and not actually on holiday. Ha! I’m kidding. Sort of.

We almost canceled out trip before we even left home when Jan’s mum said that she wouldn’t blame us for not traveling due to the massive swine flu scare. I was not scared at all about contracting swine flu. Until I started doing some research to see why everyone was so scared. Then I got scared. But we braved the claustrophobically diseased airplanes and the bacteria-laden trains with aplomb and, for the first time ever I believe, none of us got sick while in England. Huzzah!

OK, here’s the trip in a nutshell. Everyone behaved beautifully from taxi to airport to plane to train to car to grandparents (including Jan). Emily was happy to see Granddad, very happy to see Grandma, and very very happy to see Chelsea (the cat). The weather was sun, rain, sun, sun, rain, cloudy, cloudy. Homemade meals at the Claytons’ are always delicious and coma-inducing. The backyard was fun for hide-and seek and gymnastics but interesting day trips included a giant soft playpark and a farm/petting zoo. The “award-winning” pepper corn steak pie at The “Hairy” Arms with Garry was delicious and fun, but I’m not giving out my steak pie awards until I’ve tried a few more contenders. We got to spend time with both of Jan’s sisters, albeit briefly. After searching for an Internet café for two hours, I now know Wisbech like the back of my hand. And we spent an enchanting afternoon exploring a vast wild park and stately manor.

There. Now, when I get around to posting the beautiful photos that we took in a few days, you’ll know exactly what you’re looking at. It’ll be like you were there with us.

But back to that developmental factoid I claimed back at the beginning about the kids and the brains and the seven times in the villages. Of course, it’s complete bullshit. Or is it? Both Emily and Sebastian apparently went through some sort of quantum leap while we were in England, changing so much that I almost couldn’t keep up. Sebastian began deftly rolling from back to front and front to back, covering ground across the living room floor as he did so. He started proactively searching for things in his immediate vicinity to reach for, grab, and pull towards his face to either examine more closely or dutifully insert it into his mouth. And he found his voice. In addition to his canary-like chirping laugh, Sebastian would sometimes spend upwards of 20 minutes just doing this shouting/moaning/singing thing in an attempt to fine-tune his vocal chords, knowing full well that he’ll have to debate Emily one day. And speaking of the red-headed wonder, Emily didn’t learn any new tricks per se, but she developed a sense of maturity and clarity hitherto lacking in her conversations. I get such a kick out of her attempts to put such complex ideas into words. It’s like she’s inventing the entire language as she goes. It’s a wonder to observe.

This one’s for you, GG:

I’m sorry. There was still one little Emily song left for me to post and I thoughtlessly went to England first. My bad.

So here you go. She may be short but she certainly isn’t stout.

And since you were all such good little fans, waiting patiently for the final cut from her latest album to be released, we’ve got a special little surprise for you. An extra, if you will. So curl up under you favorite blanket, ladies and gentlemen. It’s story time.

So, all of a sudden, there’s a big giant momma Winnie the Pooh. Then she screamed at mommy’s Winnie the Pooh. And then she cried. And then he cried. And they cried. And then, he wants his daddy because he likes his daddy. And then he picked him up. And then he put him back home and sleep and sleep. And then, all of a sudden, then he screamed about the shouts and then he went to sleep because her mom had tell me to get something. And then she was not feeling very well. She get some medicine. Everybody put medicine all in the mouth. And then they, all of a sudden, there’s a big giant monster. There’s a big one. And then, all of a sudden, there’s a big one. And, all of a sudden, there’s a big long dinosaur. They go away. Wash and wash. Wash and wash and wash. And now, the end.

Apparently, The Little Mermaid is a little red haired girl with insatiable curiosity who loves to sing and hangs around with a little guy named Sebastian. Sound familiar?

Here we have Emily crooning along with her favorite ballad from Disney’s The Little Mermaid.

And here is Emily rocking along with a little guidance from a mysterious off-screen figure.

It’s been five months since Emily was last in the recording studio. She recognizes the fact that her fans demand more regularly-delivered entertainment, and it is to this end that she has been dutifully rehearsing and has recently released some new smash singles. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: we’ve got a whole new set list for your listening pleasure.

We’ve got enough new songs to fill an entire album. But again, in an attempt to draw out the fun, I’ll just post a couple of songs per day over the next few days. Keep coming back. They keep getting better!

First we’ve got a little Comin’ Round The Mountain action for you. Emily has never been able to make it through the “pink pajamas” verse without cracking up laughing. Please note the lasso on the ay ay yippee yippee ays.

Next, we revisit our beloved von Trapp family. Once she’s got the words down pat, we’ll start work on the choreography.

Finally, we’ve got the always popular John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt (who is that guy?). My favorite part is the elegant pirouette in the middle of the song before Emily finishes with her patented “La la la la la”.

So, I’m recording a Web ad for Pull&Bear this morning in a recording studio when… what is that, a helicopter? Cut! Hold on a second… OK, it’s gone. Let’s try that again.

So, I’m recording a Web ad for Pull&Bear… another helicopter? Come on! OK, let’s go again.

So, I’m recording a Web ad… for the love of God!!! Another helicopter?! What the frick?

So, we finally finish the 1-minute Web ad and look out the window to find out why there are so many darned helicopters buzzing past the recording studio and we see a throng of people gathered all around Plaza Lesseps. We head out into the plaza to find out what all the hubbub is about.

And 177 men on bikes go whizzing past us.

We cheer and they’re gone. 10 seconds. Maybe. I saw the Tour de France race through my town today. I think.

We bought them. We boiled them. We painted them. We hid them. We found them. We broke them. We ate them.

Emily and her friend Cata celebrated the most important annual religious feast in the Christian liturgical year with a lovely Easter Egg Hunt.

What’s Inside?

What a great way to celebrate a holiday that holds no personal meaning to you whatsoever. The kids (and I) loved it! Cata’s mom and dad set up the egg painting station at their house. Food dye, crayons, paint, and the experimental use of rubber bands had us occupied, fascinated, and messy for hours. Hiding the eggs in a nearby park was my favorite part of the event. Strategically hiding them under bushes, benches, and tufts of grass, while still making sure that they could be found by two-year olds strung out on sugar, was a challenge that forced me to think like a child (an experience wholly unfamiliar to me). And then the kiddies were set loose and tore the park apart in their mad dash for one-upping each other on the ever-increasing egg count. Thank goodness they ended up with the same number or it may have got messy.

It wasn’t long before each and every beautifully hand-painted egg was smashed beyond recognition. Some were eaten. Some were thrown. Some they wanted so save forever and ever – which meant that I had to be particularly sneaky when throwing them out. Luckily, I took some lovely photos of Egg Hunt 09. Would you like to see them?

As always, you’ve got two ways to enjoy the photos:
Fancy-shmancy slideshow
Bog-standard Flickr set

Halloween. Christmas. New Year’s Eve. All great holidays. But if you asked me which holiday was my favorite, I’d answer: Passover.

Hey, what are you doing writing about Passover now? Wasn’t it at the beginning of April?! Yes. Better late than never. I haven’t written about our Easter yet, either!

Passover was especially special this year thanks to my mom who came to visit, stayed with us for 10 days, got to meet our sweet little Sebastian, played and played and played with Emily, helped out endlessly around the house, and prepared our home’s very first seder.

In Nana’s Arms

The reason I like Passover so much is not so much because of the songs or customs or food (though they’re all great!) – it’s because of the fond memories I have of growing up and celebrating with my family. We would always go to Aunt Ruthie’s house and all of the cousins would be there. Uncle Artie would lead the seder and we’d smile through the tale of oppression in the desert, laugh through the fir kashes and the seder meal, and finally lose it while seeing who could sing their verse of Echad Mi Yodea the most out of tune. All those glasses of wine helped, too.

Bobby Pins

So it was important to invite the right group of friends to our home’s very first seder. We invited a lovely group of very dear friends with whom we wanted to share this very special occasion. When they said they couldn’t make it, we invited Bob and AmJan. Ha! I kid. It wasn’t our goal to only invite the goyim – it just turned out that way.

Bowen Boys

I am happy to declare that our first seder was a resounding success. Emily had fun helping nana make the matzah “ballies”; everyone took turns reading of our escape from bondage in the haggadah (almost everyone, right Marga?); I got to lead the seder and thoroughly enjoyed doing so; the brisket, kugel, and all the other special holiday food was delicious (thanks mom!); and the afikoman was stolen, hidden, ransomed, and recovered in one piece and I didn’t have to shell out a dime for it’s safe return (maybe they’ll learn for next year).

Checking for Authenticity