Have you ever gone paintballing? Neither had I… until last week.

There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to enjoy it – even if it was a birthday party with a majority of the attendees being actors in a children’s theatre company. I was gonna hunt them down, gut them like fish, and drink their blood. All while never letting my competitive side get the better of me 🙂

25 of us set off into the wilderness that day. We donned our flak suits, loaded our weapons, and strapped on our goggles. Chest protectors were mandatory for the women and optional for the men. You know what that means. I was surprised to discover that I was the only real man among them. This was going to be easy.

Off we marched towards the forest course. Dani, our instructor, explained the rules and regulations to the group while we marched. It was all old news to me as I had stayed up late researching paintball on the internet the night before. I’m a warrior, but I’m a nerd first.

I guess the natural leader in me must have been particularly visible that day as my team (green arm bands!) unofficially declared me their captain and looked to me for guidance and strategy. I was more than happy to oblige. I wasn’t about to sit back and let someone else lead us blindly into the hands of the red arm bands! My patented Flank Attack proved too much for our feeble adversaries and we finished the day with an unblemished 4-0 record. I never made it to the end of a round alive but I was very happy with my stealthy sniper-like contribution.

And then we had cake.

Dermot was made a man that day.
Even if he did wear a chest protector.

It was beautiful and fascinating and delicious and tiring and friendly and surprising and obscenely expensive.

Beautiful were the pristine parks, emblematic monuments, and the noble architecture. The Champs-Élysées wasn’t nearly as pretentious as I had anticipated. It kinda reminded me of Passeig de Gràcia here in Barcelona, but with an entire green section lined with trees at the bottom end that we don’t have here.

Fascinating were the plethora of museums, most of which were, for the sake of practicality, off limits to a married couple with a highly active eight month old child. We made it as far as the lobby of the Louvre but managed to squeak out a couple of wonderful hours at the Musée d’Orsay. I’m convinced I want a Van Gogh for our living room.

Delicious was the wide array of cuisine we enjoyed. We ate at the most amazing Italian, Tibetan, and Korean restaurants. And I was surprised to see how popular couscous was all over the city! I don’t think we had any typical French food the entire time we were there.

Tiring was sightseeing around Emily’s naps and basically not comprehending the scale of the city map we had and attempting to walk absolutely everywhere. We got to see more of the city than we would have if we had taken the metro everywhere, but you can’t really appreciate how un-pushchair-friendly the rugged cobblestones of Père-Lachaise are until you actually give it a try. The walk from Oscar Wilde to Jim Morrison via Sarah Bernhardt is a bitch.

Friendly were the people of Paris. Yes, that’s right. We even exchanged contact information with a wonderful French couple we met in the Jardin du Luxembourg. In restaurants, parks, shops, and on the street, I found people good humored and obliging. Although I do have my suspicions that this is a completely relative observation and, coming from closed Catalunya, anywhere would seem like a pleasure cruise.

Surprising was how much each neighborhood of Paris reminded me of another city I had once visited. Over the course of our stay in Paris, I had the distinct feeling that I was in Lisbon, London, Amsterdam, Mexico City, and New York. I was surprised to find that parts of Paris reminded me more of Brooklyn and Manhattan than anywhere else I had ever visited.

Expensive was everything! Obscenely expensive. Especially hotels and restaurants. It’s a good thing Jan found us a sweet self-catering apartment right off the Place de la République. On the whole, I found Paris to be more expensive than either London or New York. We quickly accepted that the supermarket was destined to provide the majority of our daily meals. So when we went out for dinner we made the most of it.

To celebrate our lovely trip to Paris, France, I have assembled yet another photo album of memories. Feel free to click here to view the slide show.

HP has acquired an Israeli company that makes printers even larger than the monsters we work with now. Since we here in Barcelona are the Large Format Printer division of HP and my manager is in charge of all content and data systems involved therein, I will be the guy in charge of registering and maintaining all the technical specs for these new printing behemoths. Looks like I may be headed to Israel sometime soon on business. L’shana ha’ba-ah b’Yerushalayim!

It was a milestone day today.

Nelson and Jocelyn’s birthdays were this week. Happy birthday, guys! As they did last year, they planned a joint birthday picnic up on Montjuic. The party was scheduled to start today at 2pm.

The plan was to prepare our picnic food in the morning – Jan would make her famous Picnic Tuna Pasta Salad and I would prepare a hefty jug of my Jamaican Party Punch – and Emily would take a strategically timed afternoon nap from 1-2pm, allowing us to arrive casually late. Jan and I upheld our parts of the bargain. Emily had other plans.

After making it abundantly clear that she was not tired at one o’clock, Emily danced and sang in the living room while we watched the clock. She eventually rubbed her eyes an hour later and we escorted her to her crib. Just as she fell asleep, the skies opened up and the heavens weeped upon our laundry, almost dry on the line outside. The storm had abated when Her Majesty finally awoke an hour later, but the city was soaked and the prospect of a picnic in the park was no longer very appealing. But we pushed on.

Another hour had passed before we were able to feed Emily and receive confirmation from the party people that the picnic was still on. So at five o’clock – keeping Emily’s eight o’clock bedtime in mind – we started off to the two o’clock party. And it started to rain again.

The light drizzle soon ended and we rushed out the door to take advantage of the increasingly short amount of time we would have to spend with our friends (whom we don’t see nearly as much as we used to). The metro/bus/walk combination promised to take almost an hour to get to the remote yet breathtaking picnic location on the mountain. That would leave us with only an hour at the picnic before we had to head home again. We opted for the speedier yet pricier taxi option. And it started raining again.

Finally feeling defeated (and not able to find a free taxi, in any case), the three of us found a sliver of shelter under the balcony of an apartment building. Jan and I enjoyed watching Emily and the rain for a good 20 minutes. Still in good spirits, we cracked open the Jamaican Party Punch. When the rained finally stopped (this time for good), we decided to make the most of the moment by going for a walk around the neighborhood.

I am happy to say that we spent the loveliest of afternoons in a playground with Emily – spinning her in springy tires, rocking her in springy cars, and bouncing her on springy platforms. When we realized that we had almost finished the 1.5 liter bottle of punch, we all headed home where we passed out for a much needed nap. And then Emily refused go to bed until eleven o’clock tonight.

We have another birthday picnic tomorrow.

Ride ’em, cowgirl!

Holding strong to the belief that it’s never too late to give a belated birthday gift, Jan is taking me (and Emily) to Paris for five days. I’m very excited – I’ve never been to Paris before! We fly out in 10 hours so I don’t think I’ll be blogging for the next five days or so.

I feel a bit strange because I can’t remember the last time I went on a trip and did so little to prepare. Whether it was Mexico, Holland, Italy, or Greece, I remember spending days (if not weeks) researching all the “must see” things at each destination and planning our itinerary in painful detail. But this time I’ve done nothing. Nothing! I’ve left it all up to Jan and I feel uneasily comfortable with the arrangement.

Here’s hoping it doesn’t rain all week, Emily adapts to her new crib in the apartment, the food isn’t as rediculously expensive as I’ve heard, and we find a small enough beret to stick on Emily’s head for a picture in front of the Eiffel Tower. Au revoir!

Happy eight month birthday, Emily.

The most monumental human accomplishment at this stage of life (and the most nebulous) is the development of an actual personality. And I determine the completion of a personality by one’s ability to successfully fill out a MySpace profile. Yes, I caught Emily messing around with online social networks the other day. Here is a snippet from her now substantial member profile:

Emily’s Details
Age: 8 months
Height: 67 cm (26 in)
Weight: 7.75 kg (17 lb)
Here for: Networking
Zodiac sign: Virgo
Children: just me
Education: School of Hard Knocks
Music: Kill Bill I Soundtrack
Television: Baby Einstein, Simpsons
Books: let’s find Jack’s hidden treasure!
Heroes: Maya Angelou, Oprah Winfrey, Tina Fey

She wasn’t able to fill out half of this just a month ago.

Alright, I know what you’re here for. Like so many of Pavlov’s dogs, you’re here on the 6th of the month (or soon thereafter) to learn what mischief/accomplishments Emily has been up to this past month. Well look no further…

• I’m pretty sure Emily is sitting as sturdily as she ever will. Plop her on her tuchus and she can play with her toys or watch TV for as long as she wants – she’s good for days. I know adults who fall over more often than Emily. And not only can she sit, but she can usually find her way to the sitting position! It’s a complicated process from back to bum involving splits, rolls, and one arm push-ups that, although already accomplished on more than one occasion, is still in the refinement phase.
• You thought sitting was impressive? Well what about standing? That’s right. Emily has always expressed a penchant for standing over sitting and she is now able to pull herself on to her feet while holding on to the sofa for dear life. This usually results in a flash episode of vertigo, awkward leg buckling, giving in to gravity, and the inevitable tears.
• Similar to standing, Emily loves bouncing. Sure, she’ll bounce a bit if you hold her hands while she’s standing, but she’ll bounce like nobody’s business when you stick her in her Tigger Doorway Bouncer! You’d better take two steps back because this girl will bounce like a lunatic for upwards of 30 minutes at a time without breaking a sweat. She loves Tigger so much that the mere sight of him makes her squeal with joy – a cute yet at the same time frightening squeal that very few things can elicit. Those few things being mommy or daddy after an extended absence or The Fish hanging in her room. She loves those Fish.
• Squeals. Shrieks. Monster roars. Ba ba ba’s. Ma ma ma’s. Da da da’s. The the the’s. Sweet little whispers to The Fish. Emily is increasing her vocabulary.
• It’s unbearably adorable when Emily holds her arms out indicating that she would like you to pick her up. Sometimes you get a sweet cuddle. And sometimes, once in your arms, she holds her arms out to the couch indicating she wants to go back down. And then she holds her arms out to Tigger. Repeat.
• Emily loves dogs. If she’s in her push chair on the street and a dog walks by, she goes totally mental. She’s tried to pet one on more than one occasion, but she either chickens out or ends up yanking his ears and we need to separate them before carnage ensues. Dogs: she loves ’em.
• Two bottom teeth were cute, but Emily abhors asymmetry. So in just under a month, she has pushed through her two top teeth, as well, completing her ingenious beaver disguise while at the same time striking fear in to the hearts of breast feeders everywhere.
• Have teeth will eat. In addition to her regular doses of mommy milk, we’ve been feeding Emily three square meals a day. Fruit for breakfast, stew for lunch, and cereal for dinner. Old favorites include banana and carrots mixed with rice cereal while new favorites include kiwi, pear, chicken, and beef. This girl eats better than I do! She’s normally a very good eater but it’s not uncommon for her to get totally distracted with a shadow on the wall or a lump of food on her hand and then you basically have to sound an air raid siren to get her attention again.
• OK, we went to IKEA on Jan’s birthday about three weeks ago. Emily loved it. We spent 20 minutes making faces and slapping reflections in the mirror department, 15 minutes test driving all of the cribs and toys in the baby department, and then we went to the carpet department. We found the thickest, loveliest carpet in the whole store and plotzed Emily down on top of it. At first she just lied there, inspecting and tickling the shag. Then she started rolling – from one end of the rug to the other. She rolled back and forth until a small crowd began to gather. Then, in front of these complete strangers, on a 400 euro rug, on Jan’s birthday, in IKEA, Emily decided to start crawling! It was one of those army crawls that she’ll need one day to pass under barbed wire when on the lam. Over the course of the past three weeks she has only improved both her style and efficiency. Yesterday I found her pushing buttons on the DVD player and trying to pull Jan’s Friends box set off the bottom shelf of the entertainment center. We have to seriously consider baby-proofing the house sometime in the immediate future.
• Emily celebrated her eight month birthday last night by setting a new personal record of going eight hours without a feed. A promising sign of a bright tomorrow.

I know I haven’t posted any new photo albums for the past few months and I am sorry. Please accept this new collection of fantastic Emily photos along with the promise of more in the coming months.

Click here to see a slide show of the new photos.

Click here to view the photos in their natural habitat on my Flickr page.

Click here to see pictures of cats so funny that you just might poop.

The newest family photo

Gentle, gentle, gentle!

OK, it’s late and I just went through entirely too much of I Can Has Cheezburger?… again! It never gets old.

I also spent about an hour and a half watching as many Mike Gravel videos I could find on YouTube. I can’t believe I had never heard of this guy before seeing the Democratic debate last week. I don’t know if I’ve ever been as impressed with a Presidential candidate before. I love what he says and I love how he says it. I look forward to seeing more from this guy.

Thanks to it being Labor Day here in Spain tomorrow, we’ve got a lovely four day weekend on our hands. I was finally preparing some new photos of Emily for the blog and her throng of adoring fans when I ran across this photo:

I was in a creative mood and didn’t feel like getting the decent night sleep that my body so desperately needed so I fired up Photoshop and whipped up this little guy:

I miss having free time.