Regular readers may remember that I hurt my back about a month ago playing volleyball. Since this was the fourth time that this had happened in as many years, instead of just sitting around for a month and waiting it out, I wanted to finally do something about it. Maybe even find out why my lower back seizes up about once a year and see if I could prevent it from happening again in the future.

First, I decided to get a massage. The soothing hands of a specialist would surely loosen up whatever was ailing me and I would soon be on the road to recovery. But since nobody in Spain works during the hot summer months, I had a hard time finding a good masseuse (I think you’re supposed to call them “massage therapists” now). I tried my best to reach around and massage myself but I don’t think my arms are long enough. I got to thinking that it wasn’t the muscles that were bothering me. But what was it? The bones? A pinched nerve? Degenerative disc disease?

Plan B was to go to a chiropractor. The strong cracking hands of a specialist would surely align my spine and make me feel like a million bucks. I asked my friends if they knew of any good specialists in Barcelona. AmJan gave me the number of her chiropractor but after four days of calling all I got was the answering machine – Spanish summer strikes again! I got to thinking that, if something is really wrong with my back, maybe I shouldn’t have someone cracking it. Probably a little too aggressive for such a delicate part of the body.

Plan C was to go to an osteopath. The healing hands of a specialist would surely guide my back into shape and teach it to stay that way. I didn’t even get to call an osteopath before my very wise friend, Too Tall Dutch Ed, suggested that I just go to the doctor’s office and get an x-ray before anyone starts manipulating my vertebrae. So off I went.

Plan D: I made an appointment, saw the doctor, got prescribed some anti-inflammatories (which I never took), scheduled an x-ray, had it done, and went back to the doctor to get the results. The whole process took two weeks and was absolutely free. Have you seen Sicko yet?

So, what was the diagnosis? Well, the doctor sticks the x-ray on a light box, looks at it for about 10 seconds, turns to me and says, “I don’t need to say anything do I?”. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary at first, mainly because I had assumed the image on the left was a profile shot and the curvature looked pretty much normal. Then I saw my hips and said, “Wait a minute… that’s from the front! Oh my god, my spine looks like that?”.

click to enlarge the freakish deformation

The doctor explained that my twisted spine was probably to blame for my lower back problems and gave me a referral for a physical therapist who will teach me special exercises to keep my back strong and not put any unnecessary strain on my frail vertebrae. I asked him if he thought visiting a chiropractor or an osteopath would do any good and he said that, though they may provide temporary relief, I’m at an age where, like an old twisted tree, I simply am what I am and probably won’t be able to change. I have a chiropractor appointment next week.