The headaches started about two months ago. I made the executive decision to ignore them and hope the would go away. After about two weeks, they started getting worse so I finally went to the doctor.

I explained how it was a constant pain in the center of my head that would sometimes last most of the day and seemed to hurt more when I moved my head – especially when I bent over to tie my shoes. The outrageously incompetent doctor immediately diagnosed this as a spinal injury – without even standing up from behind her desk to look at me or, heaven forbid, touch me! I said, “Wait a minute, Einstein. How do you know it’s not something else like a migraine or sinus problems?” She explained that because I had not described having any other symptoms that normally accompany migraines or sinus infections, I obviously didn’t have them. She then told me how surprised she was that someone so young would have a spinal problem that caused headaches. I said, “Exactly!” She then referred me to a neurologist and prescribed some pain-relief medication.

Two weeks later (more than a month after the headaches had started), I was able to see the neurologist. I explained my case, he looked in my eyes with a bright light, told me to look this was and that, and said there was nothing wrong with my spine (duh!). I asked if it was at all possible that I was having problems with my sinuses (my #1 guess). He told me this was a distinct possibility and scheduled me for a CAT scan – and prescribed some anti-depressants! Spanish doctors are infamous for giving you the bum’s rush by prescribing you some meds and showing you the door. I never went to the drug store to pick up the aforementioned scary pills.

So today, about three weeks after visiting the neurologist and two months after the headaches first began, I went for my first ever CAT scan. They didn’t really ask me any questions (or talk to me at all, for that matter) so I couldn’t tell them that I’ve been feeling a lot better recently. I got to lay on an amazingly uncomfortable table covered with deli paper while my head was Velcro-strapped backwards at an impossible angle and they slowly passed me through this spinning laser vortex of time that made me feel like I was living a scene out of Half-Life 2. I kinda wish it took longer than the five minutes I was in there. I was having fun playing “stare into the machine to figure out how it works without looking directly into any lasers”. I get my results on Tuesday.