I’m fucking sick of it! My hair is a mess and I can’t stand it anymore!!!

Let me explain…

I grew my hair semi-long for the part of Schmendiman in Picasso so I could spike it up all crazy like. We dyed it blond cause I can’t stand having dark hair any longer than a buzz because of the unfortunate “balding” thing. My theory is that if the hair is similar in color to the scalp, the contrast between the two should be less noticeable. This worked for a while until about a month ago when the bleach was a bit stronger than usual and my hair actually cracked in half and broke off. I was grief stricken. This wouldn’t have been so bad if it had happened evenly all over, but it only happened on the top of my head leaving the sides longer. Strike 1. It kinda fit the character of Schmendiman so I left it. People said I looked like an anime character. It was pretty cool for a while.

Then the play ended. No more constraints. I wanted to shave it all off like it had been for the past couple years but Jan insisted on me having blond hair for the wedding. So for her I complied. We went to a trendy little hair salon to have it cut. This alone was difficult for me since I had been cutting it myself at home for the past three years and had grown accustomed to not paying for this service. I must admit, they did a pretty good job! But the roots were still dark so next came the coloring.

The dying process is two-fold: first the decoloring, then the new coloring. We went to the beach on Saturday and Saturday was the predetermined day of the hair coloring. We decided that my hair would probably commit suicide if I first bleached the shit out of it and then spent six hours under the Spanish summer sun. So we waited till after the beach to bleach the shit out of it. I didn’t realize that, after six hours under the Spanish summer sun, my scalp was in no condition to have toxic chemicals spread over it. It hurt like h-e-double-hockey-sticks! And the pain lasted for hours. I even had some lovely pink inflammation all over my head to show for my genius. Strike 2.

The color we added after the oh-so-painful decoloring was a tad light for Jan’s taste (even though I liked it) so we went out and got me a new color: Ash Blond. Sounds nice, right? That’s what I thought. Tonight we applied it. I now have what I would refer to as light brown hair! Not too far from my natural color!! The exact color that I have been systematically avoiding for years thanks to the aforementioned “balding” problem!!! Strike 3.

So what’s a boy to do? I’d shave it all off but Jan won’t let me. She maintains that it looks fine the way it is but I’m looking in the mirror and I see dark hair and a light scalp – too much contrast. I could bleach the shit out of it again and start all over but I’m afraid too many chemicals will force my hair to pack up and leave home. I’ll probably just leave it how it is for a few days and maybe it’ll grow on me (no pun intended).